Life is something that is very precious, because longevity is not granted to everyone. The only thing in life that is promised to us is death. It is reasonable to say that most people tend to believe that tomorrow is a promised day, but in reality it really isn’t true. We all experience different phases in life such as pain, sorrow, joy, passion, and prosperity. But these phases in our lives changes as our situations change.
I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine before she passed away. I would like to add that our conversations were usually about life as a whole. Although, Mimi spoke of her previous beau on various occasions somehow our last conversation was different. For some reason our finally discussion stood out to me.
I recall the day Mimi unloaded her true feelings about John to me as if it were yesterday. She expressed to me that she never truly got over John. We conversed about their trials and tribulations in their past relationship. Mimi mentioned that she believed things would be different now that they were older. I encouraged her to reach out to John and tell him directly how she felt about him.
Mimi wasted so much time complaining to me and reminiscing about her past with John. However, there is a part of me that wished she would have fulfilled her desire to rekindle their relationship. Based on the conversations I had with Mimi in the past, it is clear to me that she worried about the possibility of John repulsing her that it became more of a psychological issue (mind take over matter). Mimi convinced herself that she could not take the chance because of the fear of rejection.
Unfortunately, one day Mimi was found dead in her home. She died alone, and John never knew how deep her emotions for him were.
There is no question that life is short and no one can predict when or how their life will end. However, I believe that sometimes people have to put their pride aside and not let their heart suffer.
Sometimes I think about how most of us as human beings tend to worry too much about the petty things in life, that we do not take the time to thank God for the things that we do have such as our health, a roof over our heads, and food on the table. Believe me I am speaking from experience because I am guilty of it myself.
I lost another friend who was very dear to me. Matt was the kind of man that you could count on as a friend and confidant. He would listen to everyone’s problems and advised them to look at things from a positive perspective. His philosophy was; do not worry about the things that you cannot change just try to focus on the things that you can change.
Whenever I think of Matt tears come to my eyes. So I try to focus on other things. I bear the pain of not being a good friend to Matt in his last days. I was more concerned about my own problems that I did not return a text that I received from him almost a year before his death.
Our relationship was strong, strange, and supportive for the most part of our friendship. Sometimes I would text Matt and he would not return my texts for several months.
I remember one day; I texted Matt to wish him a Happy New Year. He did not text me back until six months later to ask me how I was doing. I felt a bit slighted at the time and I did not return his text. I had so much going on in my life and I kept saying to myself that I am going to text him back. But for some reason I kept putting it off. Until this day there is a part of me that wonders if I didn’t return his text because he took so long to respond to me.
In May of 2015, while I was studying for my finals I received an email from a mutual friend informing me that Matt passed away. Tears immediately ran down my eyes, I could not control my emotions. I found out that Matt was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It broke my heart. Matt was a physically strong man, he ate healthy, exercised excessively, and tried to stay positive about life. Inopportunely, Matt was also a man that suffered in silence. No one knew his pain, but he always listen to our pain.
I frequently question why Matt didn’t tell me that he was ill. Sometimes I wonder if Matt was going to tell me the day he texted me. But because I didn’t return his text he probably believed that I didn’t care. I beat myself up a lot about it. However, there was really no way of me to know what he was going through when he was alive because he kept so much of his pain inside.
It was not a secret to people close to Matt that he generally kept to himself when he was stressed or burden with something. So we respected Matt’s decision when he chose to isolate himself from his friends and family. No one could have imagined or foreseen that our friend Matt was dying of cancer.
No one knows when their life will end so I advise people to live life as decent and as humble as possible. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. Pursue your goals no matter what obstacles you may face in life. Live your dream. When it comes to matters of the heart do not let petty things stop you from trying to make an effort to let the person know how you feel about him or her. When people love each other race, color, and age should be irrelevant.
Although, losing love ones are never easy I believe if we try to remember them in a positive way it may help to somehow ease the pain within time.
---------Please leave any feedback on our Facebook page—griefdigest
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Yolanda Kinlock was raised in Brooklyn, NY. She has written several articles for Sooper Articles. Yolanda Kinlock is the author of the book Poems of Reality: The Experiences of Life. Her passion for writing developed when she was very young and continues to grow. She enjoys writing about social issues, the struggles of everyday life such as the pain, passion, fear, the controversy, and the trials and tribulations we all face in life. The author is currently working on her second book of stories and poetry.