Brad Gets It

© Tim Koechlin

On May 16, 2023 - the day after my son Alex died, at age 32 - I pulled off of Route 95 North in Palm Beach, Florida. The 45th Street exit. There was a red light at the end of the exit ramp, so I came to a stop. I was third in line. Up ahead I could see a worn-out, wiry man – 45 years old or so - with a worn-out cardboard sign in hand, in conversation with the driver of the first car in line. No money changed hands so, I thought, it’s likely that the driver of the first car was giving this tired, struggling fellow a patronizing lecture that he didn’t need.

I rolled down my window and I called out. “Yo!” And then: “Hello!” My wiry friend turned his head, and then began to make his way toward me, with a slight limp and a subtle grimace on his face.

When he arrived, I said, “I am Tim.” He nodded. “What’s your name?” “Brad,” he said, and we bumped fists. I gave Brad a $20 bill and said: “Here you go, man. Take care of yourself.” Brad looked at the bill and looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said: “Thanks, man.” And then I said, “You know what?” and I grabbed all the cash I had ($41 dollars plus Brad’s $20), and handed it to Brad.

Brad appeared a little confused. And then I said: “My son just died,” and I began to sob.

Brad seemed ready. He said: “Oh no, man. Oh no… No!” And then, “My son passed just 3 months ago... He was Brad too. Brad Jr. Just 24 years old.” And Brad began to cry. And then he said: “people don’t know how bad it hurts.” And I said, “No. People don’t know.” And then, after a brief, sad silence, I said, “But we do.” And Brad said: “That’s right. We do.”  

And then Brad said. “God bless you, and God bless your beautiful boy.”

The driver behind me tooted his horn and Brad said: “Don’t worry about him. He doesn’t get it.” And I said: “Brad jr. was lucky to have you.” And Brad said, “I hope so.”

We bumped fists again, Brad held up the cash and said, "thanks, man. I appreciate it." I said "take care," and I drove off.

We find solidarity and comfort and connection in surprising places.

God bless Brad and his beautiful boy. 

About the Author

Tim Koechlin is the Director of the International Studies Program at Vassar College. He also teaches in Vassar’s Urban Studies Program. He holds a Ph. D. in economics for UMass-Amherst. Tim has taught and written about a variety of subjects, including economic, political, and racial inequality; globalization; macroeconomic policy, alternative economic theory, and urban political economy. Tim has also published several op eds and short essays on politics, economics, basketball, aging, healthcare, teaching, racism, meaningful work, labor unions, the pandemic, gun violence, Leonard Cohen, loss and grief. Tim lost his 32-year-old son, Alex, in May of 2023.