"Missing"

By Pamela Hoopes, LCSW

"Missing" is a feeling associated with some kind of loss. It is an aspect of grief that is inevitable. Missing typically is a quiet, personal, private emotion. For me, it is a difficult and sometimes lonely one. I have learned to embrace what once was with appreciation. Have you ever thought about this before?

It may seem like an action, a verb, "to miss" – but, if you really 'feel' the word, breathe in the word, it is so much more. The feeling can be heartbreaking, heavy and sad, yet also nostalgic, graceful and filled with gratitude.

I love the French translation of 'missing'. "Tu me manques"–"You are missing from me." The words are unique and special in this language. They are small words with big meaning. In French the subject (You) being missed is the highlighted first.

In an every day way 'missing' would refer to a person who has passed to spirit. We miss this loved one being physically present to touch, hug, love, talk with and enjoy time with. We can also miss our carefree wonder, freedom, feeling safe, a romantic love relationship, traditions, health, and so much more. I miss friends and family who I can not see often. Life is full of experiences we can miss, but also in time we look back on and reflect with love, gratitude and admiration.

Like many of all of you I have had my share of loss and 'missing'. I have lost cherished pets, loved ones to death, and a love romantic relationship that just could not be. Some I miss still with a heavy heart and others in a more wistful, pleasant, nostalgic way. I have learned to think of them by my side with me all along my way. They sometimes feel closer to me now. I have gotten quite close to my maternal grandfather who passed in 1988.

Someone dear to me recently taught me the words, "More Beyond". I can not tell you how much I love these words. They have become a part of my daily life. Many moments they have helped me move past the 'missing' feeling into a time and space of trust and peace. It is important to move through and dedicate time to reflect and grieve the people, places and things we 'miss' as equally important not to get lost in our loss or losses. We must tap into our light within and miss with glorious remembrance. No matter how long ago it was.

We may not fall in love again, be young again or even be the same person we used to be, but there are more people and friends to meet, experiences to be had and things to learn.

Be present, create loving energy, be compassionate towards yourself and others. Breathe in joy. Live life with optimism, no regrets, curiosity and an open heart.

Photo is of Pam and Maize.

(Maize was my constant heart dog companion. She passed 4 years on March 9th.)

About the Author

Pam is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a practice in Pittsburgh, PA. She studied at the University of Chicago.