The Day You Died

The day you died, something inside of me died, too.

With no inner flame to light the way,
I am greeted by an endless night,
dampened in your absence,
and darkened by the lack of light.

The day you died, I lost a part of me forever.
I wander aimlessly with no direction.
I am a broken compass, all alone
on a journey without end,
on a path that leads me far from home.

The day you died, I lost a listener and a friend.
I search for understanding and warmth,
but my cries are hushed by distanced stares,
An empty room, an empty silence,
An overwhelming lack of care.

The day you died, I lost my zest for life.
I am passionless, hopeless, listless.
I trudge through days, weeks, years,
Frozen solid, dazed, in constant fog
Living, breathing, fighting tears.

The day you died, I lost a world I thought I knew.
I drown myself in the question, “Why?”
I know that you are gone forever,
But still I expect you to return to me,
To restore the bond that death did sever.

The day you died, I lost my voice.
I want to scream and shout
And explain the emptiness I feel inside.
But I am silenced by my disbelief,
And have been since the day you died.

-------------January 2010

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Ryane Englar is a 2008 graduate of Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine. As a veterinary student, Dr. Englar developed special interests in both feline medicine and oncology. She also served as co-president of Cornell's Pet Loss Support Hotline under the late Dr. James Richards of Cornell's Feline Health Center. She currently practices veterinary medicine in upstate New York, where she is able to both tend to her patients as well as assist in the training of future practitioners at Cornell University. She especially thanks her family, her academic mentor Dr. Abraham Bezuidenhout, and her veterinary mentor Dr. David Mannes for the support all have shown along the way. As she discovered following the heartache of her grandmother's untimely death, life is a journey. The beauty of that journey is in the light that others shine our way when an otherwise darkened cloud obscures our view.