Grief Digest Articles

After someone we love has died, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could measure our heart, take a blood test that calculates connection, or estimate the volume of tears we’ve cried so that we could undeniably calibrate the bond, intensity, and intrinsic value of our grief?The emotional reactions we demonstrate indicate an indescribable loss and vacancy in our lives as a result of the absence of our loved one. However, our brains cannot distinguish between this life change that presents as sadness a …

Traditionally, when a loved one dies, we are there to bring them condolences, food, hugs, support, and even caring for children or other tasks. In this era of the pandemic with social distancing, staying at home, avoiding contact with others, we can no longer depend upon the usual practices of helping others who are grieving. Making a phone call, sending a card, texting, or sending an email can be a lot less comforting to the grieving, but we can still aid them in their grief even though we are …

“Thoughts and Prayers”….how do you feel about this expression of sympathy?An observation and opinion by Nan ZastrowI was recently asked what my feelings are about using the cliché “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.” We say it because it’s the right thing to say. Everyone accepts this condolence in good faith, right? I guess I never really thought about it before as I always considered it a respectable, comforting phrase that had a positive intention associated with it. Yes, it is a cliché. …

“At least…”As a grief counselor, educator and Pastor, every time I hear someone start a sentence with “at least,” I have to cringe. I thought I had heard every “at least” there was. “At least you knew he was ill,” “At least he didn’t suffer.” “At least you have other children.” I often tell my clients that all of those “At leasts” are offered in the way of comfort, most often to the person who is offering them. “At least” says that, despite the awfulness, there must be something redeemable about …

I often write about how grief has changed me, how loss has heightened my sensitivity to my surroundings, to others, to life itself. It is never more apparent than when I listen to a meaningful song or see a beautiful landscape. I often think about how my awareness and perception has been altered, and how others may view or hear the very same things I do, yet the meaning is lost on them. Am I simply hypersensitive or are others missing it? In loss, do we become gifted with the ability to view the …