What To Do On Valentine’s Day When You Are Alone
by Nan Zastrow
Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of everything missing. It’s not only the person. It’s the memories, the affection, and the experiences you once enjoyed with a loved one. Our society revolves around young love, mature love and everything in between as long as there are two. Valentine’s Day is wrapped up in commercialization equal to other pricy holidays. Flowers, a box of chocolates, gifts and dinner for two has become the standard to demonstrate love for someone special. It’s literally impossible to avoid the sounds, scents, drama, and cliches that accompany this vibrant holiday.
Those without the benefit of a significant loved one can’t help but hurt and wish to ignore or skip the holiday entirely. Preferably, they might want to wrap themselves in a safe space of isolation and sorrow. It is perfectly understandable and cannot be denied.
There are ways to make Valentine’s Day emotionally manageable and meaningful. There are ways to calm the agony of being alone and create a sense of contentment and self-love . There is no need for excuses or apologies that you might feel are required when asked, “What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?” May you find comfort when you try one of these:
- Remember a forgotten Valentine: Valentines aren’t just for those in a romantic relationship. It’s easy to find some that are funny, “grateful for you”, and “thinking of you” versions in most card shops. Surprise someone with your thoughtfulness.
- Read “love letters”. If you are fortunate to have love letters from your Loved One. Reread them and savor the feelings that made you say “I do.” Or create a new love letter to someone in your life that you are sincerely grateful for that has supported you through difficult times. These are “forever friends”.
- Gather with other “alone” friends. Create your own party for one (or two or more). Play cards, Watch a movie (I strongly suggest avoiding the Hallmark romance channel on this particular occasion.) Perhaps, choose to exchange funny valentines.
- Buy your own flowers, candy, or gifts. You deserve to treat yourself to something special on this notable day of the year. Take a few of the flowers to the cemetery and place them near your loved one.
- Visit someone in a nursing home, hospital, or shut-in and take a valentines treat with you. They appreciate visits, treats, and love to exchange stories. Ask them how they met their special “love.”
- Visit a place you enjoyed with your loved one. If it’s near water, float a valentine item from a dollar store. If you enjoyed a walk in nature, release an environmentally friendly balloon. If it’s a sacred place, light a candle. Find your calmness in the familiar and memorable. That’s where your inner peace resides.
- If you are an animal lover, spend an hour or so at a pet shelter or humane shelter. Volunteer to walk a dog for your friend or neighbor. Most pets love company and fresh air. Oh, how your heart will melt! Think twice before adopting. Owning a pet is a commitment.
- Escape for the day. Go solo and sign up for a bus trip . Maybe dinner and theatre. You might meet others “escaping” too. Or pick your own place and time and drive somewhere that reminds you of festivities you enjoyed in your home town. Savor the memories!
- Music. Ramp up the volume on your favorite playlist or CD. Sing, Repeated play the song that you “adopted” as you and your loved one’s song. Dance, and act foolish, if it helps. Just don’t hurt yourself. The last excuse you want in an emergency room is “ I was celebrating being alone on Valentine’s Day”.
- Draw a large valentine in the snow or beach sand. Add your loved one’s name. Let your friends and neighbors question your sanity. But it’s okay if it makes you feel good! Love never dies.
- Share the love from your kitchen. Bake or make with someone else in mind. Transform delicious treats you typically make for other holidays by changing the color (with puddings, food dyes, frosting, sprinkles) and then deliver them to family for friends.
- If your mind is distracted with “envious thoughts”, do something you’ve ignored that takes willpower and distracts you from the self-imposed pain and agony you are putting yourself through. Clean the garage. Empty a closet and prepare to donate it. Scrub the floor on your hands and knees! Work out at the gym. Hard work may bring some pain, but it dulls the “other kind.”
Get the idea?? You may be alone, but you don’t need to be lonely. Sometimes the best “company” is yourself doing something that’s quiet, relaxed, and gives you joy. It’s about your attitude. Tomorrow is another day. The flowers wilt. The candy is gone. The memories fade. Give yourself a hug! Life can be good.
About the Author
Nan Zastrow
In 2018, Wings-a Grief Education Ministry will celebrate its 25th anniversary as a non-profit organization. Wings was created as a ministry of hope by Nan and Gary Zastrow after the death of their son, Chad Zastrow. On April 16, 1993, Chad died as a result of suicide. Nan is the author of five books, a quarterly online grief eLetter and dozens of articles published in various resources. Since 2003, Nan regularly publishes articles in Grief Digest Magazine. Visit the website at: www.wingsgrief.org or the Wings Facebook page.
